Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2013: The Book of Eli

It’s time for this year’s rewatch. I don’t think I’ve seen this flick since it was in theaters, and I’ve really been itching to give it another go. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I recommend that you do. If you don’t want it spoiled, stop reading now. Seriously, almost everything I’m going to discuss is the end of the movie.

There was a really cool triptych of posters that I wanted to post, but I'm too drunk/tired to stitch them together into one image. Google 'em, you'll know the ones I'm talking about.

There was a really cool triptych of posters that I wanted to post, but I’m too drunk/tired to stitch them together into one image. Google ’em, you’ll know the ones I’m talking about.

I really have trouble believing that he was completely blind the whole time. I did a little the first time I saw it, and after this rewatch… He’s just got to be able to see a little bit, at least. There are lot of little signs that he’s blind if you know what you’re looking for. Eli trips over things, sometimes you can tell that he’s feeling around with his foot before he steps, he bumps a table, shit like that. But he also walks straight up to the front doors of buildings, a couple of them in the middle of nowhere with no sound or other indicators. Does he just happen to look straight at the sign when he comes to the fork in the road? It just doesn’t completely add up for me. Maybe he can kind of see shapes or shadows or something. I don’t know.

That aside, I love the shit out of this movie. It’s a cool story, and it is beautifully shot. The big shootout scene in particular has some really awesome super long camera shots.

Highly recommended, whether you know he’s blind or not, it’s a damn good movie.

5 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2013: Damnation Alley

This is a movie I’ve been waiting to watch for over a year now. I had fully intended to watch Damnation Alley last Thanksgiving, but at the last minute, I couldn’t find a copy. Luckily, I was able to get a copy this year.

Finally!

Finally!

This is your standard “it’s the end of the world, but we think there’s someplace safe on the other side of the country” plot, with giant scorpions, flesh eating cockroaches, and megastorms. The most notable thing about this movie is probably that it’s the only post-apocalyptic movie I can think of that actually starts with the apocalypse. Also notable, some pretty poor special effects. There are scenes where the radioactive skies look like they’re drawn in with colored pencils. That vehicle is hella awesome though.

Behold the Landmaster. 12 Wheels of awesome.

Behold the Landmaster. 12 Wheels of awesome.

There’s some pretty fun stuff in this flick, and while none of the acting stands out as particularly good, none of it is glaringly bad either. It was a solid 70s post-apocalyptic sci-fi flick. Everything I love about the genre.

3 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2013: Deathsport

Somewhere along the line, I’d  heard that Deathsport was a pseudo-sequel to one of my favorite movies, Death Race 2000. I didn’t really find that to be the case.

They both star David Carradine, and feature vehicle based duels to the death, but that's it.

They both star David Carradine, and feature vehicle based duels to the death, but that’s about it.

I don’t know if it’s because I had just finished the amazing Double Dragon, or because I had pretty high expectations going in, but this flick did not thrill me. You’d think a movie about motorcycle duels, magic desert rangers, and dudes with crystal swords wouldn’t be boring, but somehow, Deathsport really is.

There are some pretty great stunts, a dancing naked lady (for no apparent reason), and about a million explosions (the only special effect they spent any amount of money on), all of which was cool. However, there was also a LOT of footage of motorcycles just driving around “chasing” each other. Lots and lots of that. With horrible sound effects. Lots. Just driving around. Another thing there’s a lot of? Really terrible dialogue.

While it has some cool moments, it was far from a good movie.

2 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon: Double Dragon

Netflix has been throwing this out as a post-apocalyptic sci-fi option for some time, but I doubted that it really was. Until I saw that it took place in the far future of 2007, after the Big Quake.

This cover does not even remotely begin to portray the awesomeness of this movie.

This poster does not even remotely begin to portray the awesomeness of this movie.

Here’s a list of just a few of the amazingly awesome things in this movie:

  • After the quake, apparently the only jobs that b-list celebrities can get is to anchor the news. George Hamilton, Vanna White, and Andy Dick play themselves as the local news crew.
  • The Lee brothers, Marc Dacascos and Scott Wolf (who look nothing like brothers), have a station wagon with a flaming jet engine on the back. This jet engine seems to run on something that works a lot like the Mr. Fusion in Back to the Future.
  • There’s a street gang that has jackets covered in graffiti. They use them as near flawless urban camo.
  • The main bad guys henchmen have yin-yang signs painted in their hair. In their hair!
  • After one of the street gangs captures the ridiculously muscle suited bad guy, they torture him by tieing him up and feeding him nothing but spinach.
  • There’s a boat chase on a river of fire.
  • During a fight scene, one of the Lee brothers gets thrown into a bunch of arcade machines, including… Double Dragon.
  • It’s a great Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon connection.
  • The main bad guy is played by the T-1000, and he looks like this:
Hello, ladies.

Hello, ladies.

5 out of 5

I loved this movie. Loved it.

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2013: Oblivion

Each year, I like to watch one fairly recent movie. I missed Oblivion in the theater, and since then, I’ve actually avoided watching it. I really wanted it to be part of my holiday festivities. It features all sorts of sci-fi tropes that are all sorts of up my alley. (Spoiler alerts, I guess)

Desert wastelands, crazy scavenging wasteland wanderers, genetic memories, and intergalactic wars ahead!

Desert wastelands, crazy scavenging wasteland wanderers,  genetic memories, intergalactic wars, and a destroyed moon. Oh! Hells! Yes!

I had probably 90% of the “twist” called about 10 minutes into this flick. Seriously, flashbacks of memories that aren’t yours? You’re a clone, bro. Generic boss  that you only see on vid screens? That’s a computer program, bro. Sorry, bro, but your life is a lie.

On the plus side, you get to fly around in this nifty ship.

On the plus side, you get to fly around in this nifty ship.

Despite that predictability, and the huge coincidence that allows the plot to move into the third act, I really enjoyed this movie. Plus, Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman makes everything better.

4 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2013: Predator

It’s Thanksgiving, and that means it’s time for HURLEYSGIVINGPOCALYPTAGEDDON!

If you’ve never joined me on this yearly expedition before, here’s a primer from a couple of years back. https://jasonahurley.wordpress.com/2011/11/24/happy-thanksgiving/

Every year starts with Predator, so I’ve already done half-ass reviews of it twice before. This year, I’ve decided to live tweet the movie, and just repost my tweets here. If you want the full Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon experience, be sure to follow me on Twitter, and friend me on Facebook.

As always: 5 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2012: The Blood of Heroes

I’ve been looking forward to watching this movie for a long time, and it did not disappoint.

Also starring Delroy Lindo, and a Vincent D’Onofrio so young, he still used his middle name.

I first heard about this movie from my buddy, Clint. Clint’s big into Amtgard (Click the link, it’s like the foam sword game they played in Role Models, but it’s far more involved, and pretty dang cool.). This is relevant, because at big Amtgard events, they actually play, Juggernaut, the game from this movie. They call it Jugging though. Seriously. Here’s the rules. So, as soon as he told me this, I went out and bought the movie. Then, I took it over to a party at a friend’s house. We never did watch it though, and I left it there, and forgot about for close to a year.

However, the coming of the glory of Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon reminded me of my desire to see this flick. So, I went and got it from Josh and Tony’s house, and finally gave it a watch. The DVD I have has pretty terrible quality audio and video, but, as with the other future sport movie I watched today, it was well worth suffering through. The pacing of the movie was a little weird, and it kind of just meandered through it’s incredibly long second act, but damn was it fun. The matches are brutal, and everything that’s set up is paid off. This was a quality flick, and I kind of can’t wait to make it to an Amtgard event to watch a live game of Jugging.

4 out of 5