Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2012: Warrior of the Lost World

Remember a couple hours ago when I said that Solarbabies strung together a lot of classic post-apocalyptic sci-fi tropes in a pretty fun way? This movie is pretty much the opposite of that.

In classic 80s VHS fashion, nothing in the movie looks nearly as good as this box art.

I think the main problem this movie has is a lack of discernible plot. This stems from the fact that there’s no connecting tissue between the scenes. No one ever discusses why they’re going to the next place their going, or how they’ll get there, or why they’ve completely changed their costumes. They’re just there, and something ridiculous happens. It’s like someone said, “I’ve got some vaguely interesting action sequences, but that’s about it.” Then, someone else said, “Close enough. Let’s just call it a script and start shooting.”

The movie also suffers from some absolutely terrible sound effects, and some of the most lifelessly dubbed lines I’ve ever heard. The main character has almost no emotion in any of his dialogue, which I’m pretty sure is completely ADRed through the whole movie. This makes a little sense, because the movie was originally made and distributed in Italy, but The Rider (That’s all he’s ever called) is very obviously speaking English. Was the original soundtrack just not available anymore? Why the hell did they re-dub every single one of his lines?

The only redeeming thing in this movie is Donald Pleasence, who makes an appearance as the main bad guy wearing one of his old Blofeld outfits. I was shocked that he never pulled out a cat to start stroking menacingly.

Oh, there’s also a talking motorcycle with the most annoying voice ever.

Terrible, just terrible. Still pretty fun though.

2 out of 5

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