Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2013: The Book of Eli

It’s time for this year’s rewatch. I don’t think I’ve seen this flick since it was in theaters, and I’ve really been itching to give it another go. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I recommend that you do. If you don’t want it spoiled, stop reading now. Seriously, almost everything I’m going to discuss is the end of the movie.

There was a really cool triptych of posters that I wanted to post, but I'm too drunk/tired to stitch them together into one image. Google 'em, you'll know the ones I'm talking about.

There was a really cool triptych of posters that I wanted to post, but I’m too drunk/tired to stitch them together into one image. Google ’em, you’ll know the ones I’m talking about.

I really have trouble believing that he was completely blind the whole time. I did a little the first time I saw it, and after this rewatch… He’s just got to be able to see a little bit, at least. There are lot of little signs that he’s blind if you know what you’re looking for. Eli trips over things, sometimes you can tell that he’s feeling around with his foot before he steps, he bumps a table, shit like that. But he also walks straight up to the front doors of buildings, a couple of them in the middle of nowhere with no sound or other indicators. Does he just happen to look straight at the sign when he comes to the fork in the road? It just doesn’t completely add up for me. Maybe he can kind of see shapes or shadows or something. I don’t know.

That aside, I love the shit out of this movie. It’s a cool story, and it is beautifully shot. The big shootout scene in particular has some really awesome super long camera shots.

Highly recommended, whether you know he’s blind or not, it’s a damn good movie.

5 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon: Double Dragon

Netflix has been throwing this out as a post-apocalyptic sci-fi option for some time, but I doubted that it really was. Until I saw that it took place in the far future of 2007, after the Big Quake.

This cover does not even remotely begin to portray the awesomeness of this movie.

This poster does not even remotely begin to portray the awesomeness of this movie.

Here’s a list of just a few of the amazingly awesome things in this movie:

  • After the quake, apparently the only jobs that b-list celebrities can get is to anchor the news. George Hamilton, Vanna White, and Andy Dick play themselves as the local news crew.
  • The Lee brothers, Marc Dacascos and Scott Wolf (who look nothing like brothers), have a station wagon with a flaming jet engine on the back. This jet engine seems to run on something that works a lot like the Mr. Fusion in Back to the Future.
  • There’s a street gang that has jackets covered in graffiti. They use them as near flawless urban camo.
  • The main bad guys henchmen have yin-yang signs painted in their hair. In their hair!
  • After one of the street gangs captures the ridiculously muscle suited bad guy, they torture him by tieing him up and feeding him nothing but spinach.
  • There’s a boat chase on a river of fire.
  • During a fight scene, one of the Lee brothers gets thrown into a bunch of arcade machines, including… Double Dragon.
  • It’s a great Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon connection.
  • The main bad guy is played by the T-1000, and he looks like this:
Hello, ladies.

Hello, ladies.

5 out of 5

I loved this movie. Loved it.

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2013: Predator

It’s Thanksgiving, and that means it’s time for HURLEYSGIVINGPOCALYPTAGEDDON!

If you’ve never joined me on this yearly expedition before, here’s a primer from a couple of years back.

Every year starts with Predator, so I’ve already done half-ass reviews of it twice before. This year, I’ve decided to live tweet the movie, and just repost my tweets here. If you want the full Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon experience, be sure to follow me on Twitter, and friend me on Facebook.

As always: 5 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2012: The Road

I was warned that this movie was depressing as hell, and it pretty much was. I was more worried about the ending being the worst part, but the last few moments are actually pretty uplifting.

These posters accurately portray the color pallet of the movie.

I rented this movie, so I didn’t have the box, which meant I didn’t realize that there was an amazing supporting cast until they popped up on screen. Not just the people on the cover either. Garret Dillahunt and Michael Kenneth Williams both steal the show when they show up as well. Every actor in this flick really nailed it.

I was also amazed by the scope of some the shots. The story of this movie is very small, it’s about a boy and his father, and that’s it. The huge sweeping burned out landscapes really pushed home the breadth of the devastation. They also looked gorgeous.

Seriously. Look at that. That’s crazy awesome.

The Road was pretty much great. While it’s intense, and super-heavy emotionally, I really, REALLY enjoyed it.

5 out of 5

Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2012: Predator

It’s time to get this day started. That means breakfast and Predator.

A great start to a great day. If this isn’t the breakfast of champions, I don’t know what the hell is.

I reviewed this movie last year. It’s one of my favorite movies of all time, with one of the most insane, gratuitous action sequences ever. Don’t believe me? Watch this 5 minutes of insanity (with kind of terrible audio):

The whole movie is pretty much that amazing. If you don’t have time to watch the whole movie today, just watch this rap video that does a pretty awesome job of summing up the whole thing.

5 out of 5 (obviously)