Hurleysgivingpocalyptageddon 2012: Solarbabies

Netflix Instant had a pretty rough, choppy transfer of this movie. The whole thing looked like that half-stop-motiony-slow-mo effect they used in 80s music videos. It was annoying, but I suffered through it for the sake of the greatest holiday of the year.

This foreign poster is way, WAY cooler than the American ones I found.

So… There’s a corporation that controls the world’s water supplies. They also run a series of orphanages, to indoctrinate future generations to take over the work of the “Protectorate”. Apparently, part of this indoctrination includes playing “skateball”, which is kind of like basketball, played with lacrosse sticks, while wearing roller skates. One of the skateball teams, the Solarbabies, finds a magical orb thing that seems to grant wishes. Of course, something bad happens, and the orb gets stolen.

Then, there’s this guy and his pet owl. Yeah, he skates too. He’s pretty much nine kinds of awesome.

After the kids escape from the orphanage (You didn’t think they were gonna stay, did you?) and go on a quest to find the stolen magical orb thinger. They’re trying to get the orb back, and the protectorate is trying to get them back. It’s a pretty standard and predictable plot, but it’s pretty well done. Also, there are some great visuals along the way. Once their travels start, they do a pretty classic run through of different crazy desert tribes. Every time they find a new place to stay, the Protectorate catches up with them, and they have to run again. At one point, they find the standard guys-that-make-armor-and-stuff-from-old-tires-tribe. These guys have taken the concept to 11 though, and their entire city seems to be made of tires. Seriously, there are thirty foot tall smoke stacks that are just giant stacks of tires. It’s crazy. This leads to the worst escape plan I’ve ever seen as each of the Solarbabies hide inside giant tractor tires, and roll themselves down a hill. They’re wearing roller skates the whole time, by the way.

I really enjoyed this one. It’s a great combination of all of the standard post-apocalyptic tropes I love, and the teen team action flicks that the late 80s seemed to be full of.

4 out of 5