Movie Review: Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies

Oh, The Asylum, how do I love thee. You’ve seen reviews here for 2-Headed Shark Attack, and 2012: Zombie Apocalypse, in fact, I’ve only reviewed movies from The Asylum since my return earlier this year. It’s no coincidence, they’re kind of my current obsession. I’ve actually watched quite a few of their movies recently that I didn’t write reviews for. However, that’s not the case with Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies. This is a movie that deserves a review. Despite being another in The Asylum’s long line of mock busters, it’s pretty dang good.

I’m pretty much a huge Abe Lincoln fan. In fact, several years ago, I made a mini-comic that featured him. Dude was a professional wrestler before he became President. That’s pretty bad ass. With that in mind, it’s easy to see why I was all in for this movie as soon as I heard about it.

This movie, like the amazing 2-Headed Shark Attack, is exactly what the title says it is. Lincoln personally leads an elite team of new Secret Service agents to recapture a fort that has been taken over by Rebel zombies. Boom. That’s a movie. This movie also does a great job of adding some pretty great character moments, and mixing in other historical characters along the way. However, those other historical characters, while a fun addition, are pretty inaccurately portrayed.

Teddy Roosevelt, age 6 – Pat Garrett, age 14

That’s a pretty minor problem in a movie that’s obviously not going for historical accuracy though. It’s also far overshadowed by the fact that Lincoln has his own personal switchblade style scythe, which he apparently keeps in a white house closet just in case he needs that shit for a zombie outbreak. Seriously.

I really, really enjoyed this flick, and while it had some problems, it was still hella fun. Oh yeah, the ending is pretty damn clever too.

4 out of 5

Buy your own copy of “Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies” from Amazon!

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Movie Review: 2-Headed Shark Attack

You guys, I was so excited to see this movie, and it was everything I’d hoped it would be.

This movie is exactly what you’d expect it to be, which is exactly why it was flippin’ awesome.

I’ve become a huge fan of the films put out by The Asylum. I haven’t seen a ton of them so far, but I plan on plugging through their back catalog in the near future. They make movies that are unapologetic about what they are, which is essentially modern grindhouse cinema. Their movies are made to appeal to a certain demographic in a lowest common denominator way, and do so without pulling any punches. 2-Headed Shark Attack is a great example of this.

I honestly don’t know what else to tell you. The movie is called 2-Headed Shark Attack. If you hear the title and think, “That sounds awesome”, then you’ll dig this movie. Period.

4 out of 5

Get yourself a copy of “2-Headed Shark Attack” from Amazon!

2012: Zombie Apocalypse – Movie Review

I really dig this cover art.

Once this DVD was in the player, and The Asylum’s logo popped up, I knew I was in for something special. For the uninformed, The Asylum is a purveyor of low budget, direct to DVD movies most widely known for their line of “mockbusters”. A mockbuster is a movie that capitalizes on the popularity of another film through similarities in concept, packaging, and title. Some of The Asylum’s better known mockbusters include: Snakes On A Train, Transmorphers, Paranormal Entity, Sunday School Musical, and Almighty Thor. A lot of people probably frown on their marketing schemes, but I think they’re friggin’ genius.

Upcoming flicks from The Asylum include: Nazis At The Center Of The Earth, Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies, and 2-Headed Shark Attack. Yes, I will be reviewing them all.

Esentially, this movie is exactly what you’d expect. It’s a standard, by-the-book plot for a zombie flick. Here’s your bullet points:

– There’s a disease of some sort that turns people into ravenous monsters (zombies, duh)

– Our story focuses on a small group of survivors, they are easily identifiable by their general attitude and/or weapon.

– They’re all headed to some place that is rumored to be a safe haven

– A lot of them die, but some of them make it through

There you go, it’s a zombie movie.

Taryn Manning and Ving Rhames star as Scared Girl and Big Guy With A Sledge Hammer

While this movie didn’t really bring anything new to the table as far as plot goes, it was still pretty damned entertaining. One huge beef I had with it though was the special effects. They were… not good. Every blood splatter in the movie was done with CGI, a common practice these days that just seems highly unnecessary. Practical blood effects would have made a lot of the fight scenes in this movie far, far more tolerable. Another problem with the fight scenes centered around the choreography and cinematography. LOTS of the survivor’s weapon strikes are very, very obvious misses. A little better staging, and probably a couple more rehearsals probably would have helped this movie immensely.

For all it’s faults, Zombie Apocalypse was still everything I expect and want out of a zombie flick. Fun kills, innovative weaponry, a couple pithy one-liners, and an interesting last minute development are all I need.

3 out of 5